When you spend a lot of time in or around a hospital as a child you tend to never want to be in one as an adult. I can personally tell you spending time in a hospital drains me mentally and physically, even when I am just visiting. I account this to the countless days and nights I spent in one as a child with my mother.
Then there is the care giving side. As a child when you are forced into care giving at such a young age, the care giving seems harden as an adult. My hubby always tells me I was born to take care of people. He means no hurt by this statement, but it is a statement that moves through me. My boys often tell me, when it comes to the tender side of care giving, I am terrible at it. Again, I know they mean no harm, but it is a true statement. The tender side is definitely one of John’s best characteristics.
At a very young age I can remember the feeling I had every single time my mother went into the hospital. It always involved some major surgery and I never knew if she would come out alive. After each major surgery was the care giving. Over and over this would happen.
Now as a mother and wife myself, I get to the point. I make sure whatever is needed is taken care of, but if you are someone who is close to my heart, as my boys are, I don’t show much sympathy. I am not a doting, ahhh honey it will be ok, don’t you worry about it kind of wife or mother. Even though my insides are falling apart, the outside of me is like a military sergeant saying, “Suck it up and get over it”. Doesn’t mean I don’t care. I care so deeply, it’s almost like a defense mechanism goes off.
Today for the first time in 17 years of marriage I had to take my hubby to the emergency room. He had been experiencing lower back pain for 3 days and the sergeant side of me was tired of the complaining (I know it sounds terrible). I told him the night before; if he felt bad in the morning he was going to the hospital. I also told him he was going to have to tell me first thing in the morning because I had a jam packed day full of work, meetings, tutoring and class.
Sure enough; morning comes, I need to get the boys to school and he is telling me he is still in pain and didn’t sleep at all. I tell him get ready because we are going to the hospital. He is irritated and goes back to bed. I rush the boys to school and I head back home. I tell him to get up and let’s get going. Two hours later we are out the door and in the emergency room.
Once I am actually in the hospital I am ok. I am calm and the sergeant in me begins to soften as it always does. It’s just the two of us in the room waiting for test results. He is quiet and I can tell he is scared. As I bring my chair to the side of the bed I lay my head on the rail and I begin to rub his hand. He tells me he doesn’t like this place and I understand why. Not too many good memories in this hospital for him and now here he lies. By now the sergeant in me is completely gone and I am melting into my hubby. Absolutely my best friend, my love! We share the next couple of hours together loving each other and laughing as we always do. The results come back and everything is fine. Pain meds and rest are ordered and we head home.
I get him situated, respond to emails and decide to go ahead onto tutoring and school. Driving in my car I am thinking about the love of my life and my boys. Wondering how their day was and thanking God nothing is seriously wrong with my hubby. I am fighting back the tears. I am exhausted and my mind is a complete mess. How am I going to get through class? I take some time between tutoring and class sitting still in the chapel. I can’t help but make a quick call to make sure my youngest had a good day and to check on John. “Dad is sleeping and I had a great day”. Ok I whisper, I have to go. As I hang up and get ready to go to class, I sign the cross and say to myself, “Thanks God for giving him a good day”
Tired and exhausted, I make my way home. Bring in the skyline and plump down on the couch. They boys are tearing through their food and telling me about their day. John is just sitting back watching the game listening to us chat. We talk about my class and they give their input. All charged up from the day it’s hard to get them to go to bed, but I am excited to hear all about it. Somehow all my exhaustion goes away and we are deep into a great conversation.
At one point my oldest looks at me and says “Yes mom, there are times you get on my nerves, well there are a lot of times (he smiles when he says it), but there has never been a time when I have not been thankful you and Dad are my parents”. I look over at John sitting on the couch. He smiles so big at me and I smile back.
Thanks God for giving me such beautiful boys (all three of them)!
Luv, luv,
Julie
