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Lately, over the past few months, I have received a lot of unexpected information and have experienced a lot of unexpected situations.  It has me thinking about, “Why? What am I to learn? How should I react? What should I do? Is this how life is going to be?  Is this my new normal?

Completely changing my direction at school in my senior year and second guessing myself.  For the first time in my college experience running into a teacher I am just not sure about. 

My bio mom suddenly moving away, having a stroke and now can barely even talk to me on the phone; and there is nothing I can do about it.  Having to put down the best dog I have ever had in my entire life, after suddenly developing a tumor on her nose. 

Finding out a family member has cancer after already fighting to get his life back after literally dying in 2009, hearing of other family falling on hard times and the hardest to date; laying my young nephew to rest, after being in a coma since July.  

And then there is the; hearing the boss who fired you, from a job you loved for sticking up for your employees and trying to save money, has now lost his job for fraternizing and miss-spending.  Finding out the next boss who let you go for not hiring his friends, is now under investigation for embezzlement. (Just want to state the above two statements are second hand information, not something I can conclude as fact).  Watching my boys have to deal with the “Good ole boy system”, “Winning is everything” at football and dealing with all the unfairness, when they work so very hard.   

The dynamics of our family have changed so much over these past few years and we have experienced so much pain, loss and at times complete chaos.  And I often wonder, “Is this how it’s going to be? Is this now my new normal?”

My hubby John and I talked about his job last night and he said to me, “I have come to the conclusion I am never going to work as a heavy equipment operator again.  This factory work is just what I do now and I have to accept that”.  Whatever my husband does, he does it well.  He might move at his own pace, but he does it well.  Everyone likes him at his job.  I told him he could at least strive for first shift, so that we could be a normal family again.  He concluded, “For now it is what it is”.  As my hubby John would say, “You just go to roll with it”.

Things happen.  Change happens.  I get it.  Without change we wouldn’t be moving forward.  Some change is good.  Some change seems bad at the time, but for the most part I think change is good and means there is growth.  Not to sound cold but there is only one thing we know for sure about our lives; someday we will pass.  I can only hope while I am here on this earth I make a difference in someone’s life. 

So I continue life.  I have a great boss now and a job that gives me flexibility to finish my degree and continue to be involved in my community.   A house still over my head, a new puppy who is driving me crazy, and boys who haven’t given up (when I think I would have).  A class at school that is motivating me to develop an idea of mine, and I have my family.  As hard as it is for me to accept, this is my life now, I am slowly starting to learn that in my new normal there is room for AWESOME and always room for more LOVE!

Luv, luv,



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