A Year of Self-Discovery: Saying Farewell to 2023
To say that this time last year was a disaster would be an understatement. I was depressed, insecure at times, alone, and a complete mess.
In December of 2022, I had to make some hard choices. At the time, all I could think was, “Wow, I am going to be 55 years old in a few days and starting over in 2023.”
Love after loss is a challenge in itself. Trying to include family and friendships makes it even more challenging. Since my husband’s passing, I somehow got lost in trying to make everyone else happy but myself.
At no fault of anyone’s but my own, I got lost in the need to be accepted, to be loved, and gave it my all to fit in. My vision of what “family” and even “friendships” should look like skewed my reality, and I began a major downward spiral—one I wouldn’t wish on anyone.
I needed time.
Time to heal, find myself, and get into a better headspace. Looking back, being alone at the start of the new year was one of the best and hardest decisions I made, and I am so glad I did.
I know, for many people, it was hard to understand. I lost friends, family dynamics felt different, again, and I realized there are sides. My side and everyone else’s. I truly understand perspective now and appreciate the journey.
I miss the family and friends I have lost over the years. I think about them often. But if there’s one thing this entire journey has taught me, it’s to love yourself. As a stronger, more creative, and even more resilient me, I love my crazy, sometimes fucking hard, beautifully blessed life.
In my journey, in my life, I forgive, I heal, and most of all, I love. I always will.
As we bring in this new year – remember, God doesn’t make mistakes. Love who you are and always know in your heart and soul – you are enough!
