Today you would have been sixty-three. It’s hard not to think about what today would be like if you were still alive. I think it would have been a typical day. You would have woke up around 4 am, gotten ready for work, and kissed me goodbye before you headed off. The boys would be working at some point during the day. I would have been doing what I am doing right now, working on my laptop from home.
You would have walked in the door around 3:30, kissed and hugged me, and we would have headed to the gazebo in the back yard to talk about our day. We probably would have grilled steaks and loaded baked potatoes, and I would have had your favorite german chocolate cake from Servattis for dessert.
That all sounds so safe and comfortable. So effortless and relaxed. I miss you. I miss those effortless days when loving someone was so easy. When loving you sank so deep within me, it became apart of who I was. You are a part of me.
Three years later and you are drifting away. The “you” in me is softening, and I don’t want it to. This life without you is still challenging at times. I question myself more than I ever have. Am I doing this life without your right? Am I making good choices? Am I helping the boys through missing you? They miss you so much. But they, too, are softening.
The three of us are trying our best to move in the right direction. I can’t promise we will always get it right. I can promise, however, if we fail, we will rise again. We will keep the memories of you with us always—your laughter, your deep thinking that shocked us when it appeared, your hugs, our group family hugs that we miss terribly, and your love for us.
Your love gets us through each day! So today, where ever this day finds you, may German Chocolate Cake find you too. The boys and I love and miss you so much. Please keep watching over us and let us know you are there.
Luv, Luv,
Julie 💙
