While in recovery one has a lot of time to reflect on life. I am certainly no exception. I have had plenty of time to reflect on the year of life changing events.
This year, 2013, was the year of come back. After many years of financial struggle we often thought things would never get better, but they did. In February of 2012 I started working at our family business. I began working on a website project and here it is a year and ten months later I am still there. Little did I know it would be this project that would spring me forward into my current career. I never pictured myself working for our family business, but then again I never pictured myself running my own website development company. Sometimes in life you have to reinvent yourself and sometimes that reinvention is happening when you don’t even realize it. With the loving support of my brother he helped me reinvent myself. I am grateful this Thanksgiving that he silently believes in me, even when I don’t believe in myself.
In May of 2013 I graduated College. I never in a million years would have ever believed that I would be able to say those words. “I am a college graduate”. Growing up I never really liked school. Gym and recess seemed to be my favorite subjects. I never had the confidence in school to think I could do better. In my final years at the Library I was constantly challenged about my education, being told I was not smart enough because I was not a college graduate. Somehow that motivated me to go back and complete something I started years ago. I guess you could say, “I wanted to prove them wrong”
Those years I spent at the College of Mount St. Joseph were some of the best years of my life and at the same time some of the hardest years of my life. What got me through it all was the strength of my family. John, Johnny and Joey believed in me. They wanted me to succeed. They were proud of me. I am forever grateful this Thanksgiving for the loving family God has blessed me with. We cried together, we worried together, we lifted each other up, and we survived through it all because we LOVED each other.
Then in June of 2013 I lost my biological mother, unexpectedly. I knew when she moved to Florida earlier that year I would never see her again. But to get a call, a voice mail message, to hear of her passing was a bit devastating. To know she was alone, heartbreaking. To know she wasn’t a Christian, numbing.
In August of 2013 I lost my mother. This we knew was coming, so there was some time to prepare. But nothing could prepare me for watching her take her last breath, holding her hand, caressing her face as she passed from this earthly world onto our heavenly father. A moment that will stay with me for the rest of my life!
How is it that the two women in my life, who didn’t even realize the impact they had and the person they molded me into, would pass in the same year, so close in time? This one I am still bewildered by. I am however grateful this Thanksgiving for the person they have both unknowingly influenced me to become.
Since graduating college work seems to have come full speed and faith and prayer seemed to have taken a backseat. I am fully aware of this and it weighs heavy on my mind. I also know it is normal for one’s faith to go stale at times. Volunteer and service have kicked back into full swing, but connection with God seems to be at a standstill. I miss this that deep connection and will be working hard to renew.
I still have questions about the path I am on and the relevancy it has towards the degree I have earned. I still have a deep drive to make a difference in this world. I am completely devoted to bring Faith, Hope, Courage, Strength, Inspiration and most of all LOVE to all those in need, but all of this cannot and will not be possible without God. I am grateful this Thanksgiving for all the experiences, good and bad, that God has provided.
Moving forward, 2014 is right around the corner and I am wondering how God will make me relevant!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone and may you too be grateful for all the God has provided.
Luv, Luv,
Julie
