There are so many changes taking place in our lives and lately I have found myself in situations where I feel so deflated. Not defeated, but deflated, like someone or something has taken all the passion right out of my life. This all has caused me to pause and guard my heart.
I consider myself a very giving and kind person. One of my biggest flaws is I very often don’t know how to say “No” whenever someone asks for help. I am very good at filling my life up with other people’s stuff; which doesn’t really allow me to deal with my own.
In February I joined a group with my sister-in-law called “Live your Legend” . In the group we talked about our dreams and what it would take to accomplish them. Through the group I met and reconnected with many amazing individuals and found lots of love and support. One individual, Blu, helped me begin the process of “clearing out some old hurt” lingering in my life.
Over the next few months, with the help of my sister-in-law, my youngest son, and my new found healer, Blu, I would make the decision to start saying “No” and continue my own healing. I also began to look at the things in my life that no longer fulfilled me.
This process has not been very easy for me. I am all about busy. I started to find myself in situations (in all aspects of my life, work, family and friends) where I felt as if my generosity, service and friendships were being taken advantage of. Places where I wanted to help out in any way I could to make sure everyone around me knew they were loved, appreciated and successful. Over time, I felt like the more and more I gave of myself, the more I was being asked to give even more, causing me complete “Burn Out”. I found myself guarding my heart in all situations.
The more I let go, the more I said “No”, the more I was let down, the more space there was; empty space. All along falling into that space was realization my children are growing up so fast, I am not where I would like to be, and I am scared about how my husband and I will ever be able to retire.
My oldest is graduating from High School this year, finally got a job, and will start school at least part-time in the fall. My youngest is no longer my baby. He has a full and complete life of his own, playing football, hanging out with great friends and will be driving in the fall. All of these are good changes and I embrace them, but with this change comes more empty space.
My sister-in-law and my son voiced to me on many occasions “learning to say “No” will free you up for something bigger and better”.
It’s really hard for me to sit back and allow this space to happen. The old me wants to run out, call everyone I know and fill the empty space with everyone else. The new me has to remember I have a book to finish and a future to build. The new me has to remember my time is just as valuable as all the people asking of my time. Most importantly the new me needs to remember filling up my empty space with empty people/places/things is not going to fulfill my life.
Right now I might still have a guarded heart, but through prayer and faith my guards will slowly start to open up again and the love and passion will flow through it. God always finds a way to fulfill my life!
