It’s around 12:30 am, and of course, I can’t sleep. It’s hard to believe you have been gone three years. I stopped by to visit with your mom the other day. She doesn’t remember a lot anymore. She is so tiny and frail. Her skin is as soft and thin as tissue paper, but her light touch still comforts me. I showed her pictures. She didn’t recognize many—especially those who passed. I am so grateful for your sisters and the care, love, and support they provide her.
As I sat with her on the couch, I watched her twisting her wedding ring on her right hand. I asked her who gave her that ring. She replied, “My husband, of course.” We giggled and then quickly grew silent. “I miss him,” she said. We have been apart far too long. I told her he was a good man. One of my all-time favorite people I have ever known. He had such a great sense of humor. I miss him too, I said. We sat quietly again as tears ran down our faces. Her remembering her love and me remembering mine.
Driving home later, I thought a lot about you. Your father. Your brother. My parents (adoptive and biological). I thought about those who have lost loved ones and the sorrow that creeps back into their hearts when thinking about them.
I still struggle with moving forward. I feel as if my progress at times is slow, and I am stuck. However, most would not think so from the outward appearance. The inside of me is like a never-ending whirlpool circling round and round. In contrast, the outside of me appears to be an ever-flowing river. I keep working at living life without you. Remembering all the things my life with you taught me.
I wish you were still here with me. I pray God will continue to carry me through. Thank you for always loving me and know I will never stop loving you!
Luv, Luv,
Julie 💙
