Taking down the Christmas tree I said to John, “2013 hasn’t been so bad”. It has been ok, he said. He reminded me we lost a lot, but I reminded him of what we gained. Yes, we lost things, the cars and trucks we had broken down, but somehow in the mist of it all, God provided what we needed. Of course, only after making sure we realized it wasn’t the material things in life that is or was important. God, Faith and Love are what was and still is very important.
Yes there were struggles in 2013, but nothing compared to the prior years. This year we actually had a Christmas for the boys on Christmas morning. Something we had struggled with in prior years. This year we have been able to provide for our children without worry and have been able to ‘give back’ like we have never done before. I wouldn’t say things are perfect and I would never expect them to be. What I would say is we are on the road of recovery; on a path of healing and discovery.
The healing, for me, comes from losing two significant women in my life and for facing a past full of destruction and disappointments. The best way to heal is to forgive and I had forgiven, a long time ago, those who have passed. It is the present that is still eating away at me. Finding ways to coup with the destruction of the past in the present is all a part of my current path of healing and discovery.
Discovery is what I hope to do a lot of in 2014. With college graduation behind me, owning my own business, and working in a new technology field, has me wondering how God plans to use me. I suspect in some ways God already does. It would be nice for once to see a clear path. Mine always seems to be cluttered with debris. I would love to discover a way to finally finish the book I started in 2009, start a foundation of “Returning the Gift” and someday finish my project faith finder. But most of all, in the New Year, I hope to find ways to discover God.
I want to discover a place that inspires me to write like I did when things were really bad and I needed God more than ever. I want to discover people and places that put a spark back into my heart that never goes out. I want my faith to grow stronger with each passing day and not muddle when things are just ok. I want to rejoice in the good and find hope in the bad. I want everyone to know they are not alone in their struggles and are not judged by their past.
I pray for continued healing and full discovery in 2014!
Luv, luv,
Julie
